Boring Waves Drown Ocean’s 8

With a cast of eight actresses and the potential to breath new life into this forgotten franchise, Ocean’s 8 failed to create a better version of the original film by sticking to the Soderbergh heist movie formula.  I hate to say it’s all about the Benjamins, but it is all about the benjamins.
 
Adapting preexisting franchises is less risky than spending massive amounts of money to sell original stories to an unpredictable audience. For Jurassic World, we got a remakequel of Jurassic Park. Same goes for Force Awakens, an almost beat by beat retelling of Star Wars.  Ghostbusters got an all-female makeover, so why not take the bro-est heist film since Heat and remake Oceans 11, subtracted by three?

The Bro-est Heist Film Since Heat

Assembled for Ocean’s 8 is a stellar group of actresses with long pedigrees and various performance skills, which you will not witness in this movie because they had nothing to do.  Soderberg did not direct this film; however, nothing changed in how the original stories were filmed.

Ocean’s 8 was a boring attempt to inject life into a franchise dead two movies ago. Ocean’s 12 was cute but predictable. Same goes for Thirteen and now back to Eight. Ocean’s 8 did not make the change needed to really resuscitate the desire to see these characters together ever again on screen. I saw more chemistry between the cast during the press tour than what was on display during this two-hour snooze fest.  Rather than change the original Soderberg algorithm, this movie relied on celebrity to sell the film and not the story. Ocean’s 8 was a missed opportunity to do better than the ill-received Ghostbusters movie (which I found delightful).
 
There’s was no real conflict. No true obstacle. But there is this heist and the thieves executed the job with diamond cut precision. Boring!
 

Picture me This:

  • Anne Hathaway uses her talents at portraying plunking, sometimes absentminded goofballs to assume the role of Danny Ocean’s younger sister. But don’t let her actions fool you; she’s smarter than the average baby brother, possibly even smarter than her brother — a criminal mastermind in Chanel clothing.
  • Sandra Bullock is the old guy from friends — the head honcho/ friend who oversees this mess of a young lady but trusts her brilliance and ability to form a crew and complete ’the job’. Bullock only arranges the jobs, lays back, and allows Ocean to work. Or, she’s release from jail and whose there to pick her up? Anne Hathaway, the younger sister to the Ocean’s family who now calls the shots, but Sandra Bullock’s, like, Nah, I’m the boss.
  • Cate Blanchett as the villain. Cate was cool as shit as this machismo androgynous second in command with nothing to do. Does academy award winner mean nothing? Give this woman a meaty villainous role! ‘She killed Danny’, done!
  • Keep Helena Batum Carter as part of the team: she’s an old-school criminal teamed with a group of younger tech-savvy go-get-hers.

The Formula

I once read somewhere that a Hollywood script with such a high budget will often have to get approval from the various backers before it goes to screen. Many of these ‘backers’ are studio and business execs, not storytellers or filmmakers. But they are given the influence of a director and if something doesn’t work or they think this thing is needed to really sell the film — those changes must be made before going into production and sometime during and after production ends. That’s why the final product (sometimes) does not fit the vision of the director. And why we get movies like Ocean’s 8, a film that played it safe for a modest return without the brag of a bodacious box office haul.

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