DC comics excels at taking care of it’s baby, the live action TV show. They nurtured Smallville for ten seasons, and their new baby Arrow is so successful the stork came again and they’re welcoming their new bundle of joy, The Flash. DC should just let Marvel keep custody of the movies, and devote their love to their TV shows. Instead they’re trying to do both and treating their movies like a neglected stepchild, only occasionally throwing them some scraps and therefor ensuring that years of neglect will turn that child into a bitter angry adult who resents their parent and just stops trying. DC comics also has found great success in grooming their second favorite son, the animated movie. They throw great talent at these, and give them amazing freedom to let them be whatever they want, and that child is growing into a beautiful free spirit, artistic and bold. DC has also long given away their once favored offspring, the animated series. That kid long outgrew it’s parent, and I think DC was so proud of what it was, they never bothered to try again.
On Marvel’s side, the movies are their special little guy. The movie’s are like their football star valedictorian with a full scholarship to the university of their choice. They look at those movies and say “you’re our pride and joy, we’ll give you anything you want.” Rightfully so, as well, in that the Marvel movies have done more to bring comic books to the mainstream than anything else in history. Marvel’s second favorite kid, the animated series, is right there with its big brother, looking up in awe and getting almost as much love from Marvel as second favorite, wishing it can be just as successful as it’s older sibling when it grows up. By comparison, Marvel got greedy and adopted a TV show, thinking that if they made it just like the movies, people would love it just as much. The rest of the world however, looks at the family photo and sees a bunch of tall brunettes and can obviously tell the short ginger kid is adopted and suddenly hears the Sesame Street song “One of These Things is Not Like the Other” in their heads. To complete the metaphor, Marvel tried their hand at the animated movie, regretted it, and left it behind in a basket on the steps of a church on a dark rainy night, then ran off into the darkness in shame.
Some parents just have more to offer to certain children. Just like how these two comic book giants have much more success in cultivating certain types of media. So I posit that these two warring parents should just shake hands, leave things civil, and take sole custody of the children that they’re better suited to raising. Marvel takes sole custody of animated series’ and movies, while DC gets to take care of live action TV, and animated films. At least they can still have the holidays together, where their children can sit together in awkward silence at the kiddie table. Meanwhile the parents can glare at each other in silence, until one of them invariably has too much wine, and they start arguing over the best part of the turkey, who makes the better video games.
Until next time friends, this message has been approved by the Comics Code Authority
General Dopeness
